A massive man-eating Abdominal Samsquamch shows up at a mountain cabin retreat and man is he hungry. And kind of psycho. A crippled guy in another cabin watches helplessly as Bigfoot opens up a can of pretty R-rated stuff with the batchelorettes next door, so basically it's Rear Window meets Messin' with Sasquatch.

Let's face it, since his breakout roles in Boggy Creek and the Patterson film Mr Foot's acting career has been in a vertical nosedive and at this point it's actually a bit sketchy seeing his name in the credits. Happily I'm going to say something I haven't said in a long time and may never get to say again: pretty damn good bigfoot movie.

I'm trying to give the big guy a break here as it's probably more accurate to say this is a good movie that has bigfoot in it. This is just a tight shoot, especially for a first time director. I actually enjoyed the characters here - another rare event in my household. The story, though simple, is well told. And mountain cabins in the woods at night is just beautiful horror atmosphere. I'm saying you'll come for Bigfoot but you'll stay for the movie.

It's also one of the few horror movies to pull off being what I'd describe as fun. Normally when horror tries to be amusing we get sight gags, one liners and even outright fail comedy but here it's just the characters being organically entertaining. And the effect is subtle; it's not comedy and it's not funny, just fun. It does forfeit being a genuinely chilling movie but despite what you may think I don't hate fun, and so few movies nail it that I have room in my heart for a few of these. A couple anyway.

And it's packed with horror royalty. Dee Wallace ladies and gentlemen, almost 40 years in horror. Jeffrey Combs, who I've never not liked in anything. And what's the deal with Lance Henriksen and bigfoot movies? He's in almost as many of 'em as Bigfoot. Some kind of private crusade against guys in monkey suits? But I really want to talk about the already great Ms Tiffany Shepis for a minute. Even at her age she's been in like 100 horror movies, and all horror movies. She's not one of these stuck up poseurs who use horror as a springboard to a "serious" career making insipid trash about love triangles and Shawshank redemptions. I respect the fuck out of that.

Weirdly though it's the non-actor special effects guy Christien Tinsley playing the male nurse who almost steals the show. The character is so authentic it was hard to convince my brain he wasn't a real male nurse they hired and secretly filmed him doing his job and being a jerk. I know I normally grouse about jerks in movies but if you portray a believable archetype instead of a braying cartoon jackass it can actually be entertaining.
I somehow even kind of liked the guy.

And his death scene. His death scene does three things I like at once. Firstly it gives the character an unexpected dimension because we see that in addition to being an overbearing ass he's also recklessly brave when the shit hits the fan. Secondly his heroic moment lasts about five seconds before his face is bitten off by bigfoot, so the movie refuses the cliché of having him turn up trumps in the end and save the day. Thirdly, his face is bitten off by bigfoot.

And what of our giant cryptid friend, that most iconically American of all ape monsters? Well honestly once again it's a guy wearing a carpet but this time with an absurdly massive head bearing the likeness of character actor Jack Elam. Kind of hard to take seriously but like I said it's not a lip-trembler type movie anyway and Jack Elam was always good in stuff so okay.

Kills are a mixed bag of outstanding and complete whiff. I won't describe the good ones, more than I already have, but why did the movie balk at the rest? Maybe a little movie like this felt lucky enough to get Lance Henriksen and Jeffrey Combs at all and didn't want to push it asking them to get their heads cast. But at least that scene where bigfoot stomps a chick to death with his ridiculously big foot should have looked like something out of a Gallagher show.

And I just have to say how much I appreciate that the girls showed up without boyfriends in tow. When does that ever happen? And when are they ever not all cheating on each other and having lovers' spats and cable-porn makeup sex? I just know one of them would've had that rugged beard stubble too. Thank you Abominable for none of that birdshit.