See an ancient vampire rise from the grave to bicker with his ex girlfriend, hit on a waitress, and ponder his immortality. Keep telling yourself it's only a movie, it's only a movie.

I was never a guy who'd go to the video store and rent movies, so back in the 90s before all this Netflix and streaming video I'd often have to watch 'em on television for god's sake. That's why there's so much sci-fi channel product mentioned on here. Anyway one of those channels like USA or TNT (damn I miss Monstervision) showed this one night and I saw the word "vampire" and I probably hadn't seen a horror movie all week, so it happened, and guys I think I watched a goth romantic comedy.

I merely suck at writing these now, but back then I could have even scared goth girl poetry so I'm trying to re-do this based on shadowy memories of an event fifteen years ago. I think it was going for an artsy night in the city vibe, with this vampire who looks like a burnout from an 80s hair metal band hanging around a diner. Lots of jazzy dialogue with the waitress and brooding over life's condition.

Not really a horror movie as I recall. I think some people get killed though. There might be a rogue vampire or serial killer or something. The guy eats a few rats. I don't know what else to tell you.

Oh there was this cabbie who talks like a cartoon character. I remember thinking how oddly overdone it was, but the other day I flipped over to the cooking channel to see if, heaven forbid, they might actually have a cooking show on instead of some restaurant reality crap about a chef hollering at the staff, and there's something called "Bitchin' Kitchen" on there and the chick talks exactly like that guy. Is there some weird part of Canada where people actually use that as human language? Damndest thing I ever heard. Naw I'm not making fun of anyone. Hell folks think I sound like a warthog farting through a didgeridoo. We're just making witty diner conversation here.

Ever read Edgar Allen Poe's story Berenice? About the teeth? Beautiful story. There's an actress in the movie with these incredible choppers. Bugs Bunny would have incisor envy if he saw this woman. I'm saying I don't think she needs a lobster fork. I got nothin' guys, I'm gonna cut. Let me just put something on the ol' juke box for you on my way out.

"We belong to the ci-ty, we belong to the night..."