A crank professor and his crew of expelled students head to Denmark to dig around in the peat bogs looking for crazed berzerker skeletons or something.

I have almost nothing to say about this product. Pointless excruciating dialogue and situations, too chintzy to even shoot kill scenes, lame monsters, etc. Don't watch this.

So why even write about it? I could pretend I'm warning you not to waste ninety minutes of your precious fleeting life on it but since you're not actually reading this I guess that would be a bit delusional. I think what I want to say here is you really earn your badge as a horror fan. You may think I lead a glamorous life of jack-o-lantern lit nights tripping on phantasmagorical wonders of the weird and macabre, and yeah once in a while it's like that, but most of the time I'm just thousand yard staring at something like Bog Creatures hoping it will end soon so I can go back to playing with my park in Planet Coaster.

To quote Willie Nelson, the night life ain't no good life but it's my life.

One thing I've learned from a lifetime watching movies is that most human beings are absolutely horrible at making movies. Just so many, many of these completely null productions out there. Throw ten darts at Netflix and I'll bet seven of them hit these. Depressing to look at the credits and think it took that many people to make something this awful. I feel like too many people shoot cheap horror movies with the same attitude they'd have making a porno. You know, just "let's shoot a horror". They get made, and marketed the same way you'd sell pork bellies or something.

I know horror fans are fond of saying they love bad movies, but we're talking about cult or camp stuff like Plan 9 or Blood Feast or some fucked up Fulci thing. Not this. I'm convinced nobody really likes this. I think everybody finds it the same way I did, just clicking through the horror section on Netflix or something, see it and think "hum, bog mummies are kind of interesting, let's see what this is", so it gets watched and I guess somehow makes a little money just for existing. But nobody likes it. Nothing for it either. I mean I guess you could read the reviews but um, they're pretty much useless.

Look, I love the fact that movies are cheaper and easier to make than ever, I appreciate that there are more venues to show them, and I would never discourage someone from making a horror show. I know this kind of movie is just the price we pay for these freedoms. I like to believe there's some cosmic law that for every great (or even good) horror movie there have to be a hundred of these, and my sitting through them is somehow necessary. But I'm so tired, so weary shipmates.

I'm still here. In all likelihood I'll see another one of these tonight, and tomorrow...
Still rather watch Bog People than some cop show or whatever.

So do we respect Debbie Rochon for her willingness to be in virtually any horror movie, or do we wish she'd sometimes say no? I'm too tired to think about it.