A misanthropic scientist has finally had it up to here with all this homo sapiens nonsense and schemes to cleanse the Earth using a virus that makes people crap chicken dinosaur eggs and die. Research grant: approved!

"Roger Corman presents...". hmm, is this a good thing or a baaad thing? Well right off the bat I like the fact that the female scientist is not played by a 23 year old D-cup Top Model contestant; it's an actual middle aged sciency looking lady. It's not super creepy Louise Fletcher, but still. And hey look it's Clint Howard, doing his trademark Clint Howard voice. Maybe we're going to get the good Roger Corman today.

So she makes these cool little dinosaurs out of chicken eggs and once again a shipping container proves inadequate and one gets loose. I have to say I was expecting something pretty lightweight here and was pleasantly surprised by the frequency and severity of the chicken dinosaur attacks. Limbs are bit off, groins impaled, faces munched, guts ripped. Crazy li'l dinosaur running around in the desert fucking people up. I like to see that sort of thing.
I even like when Clint Howard's head is eaten off while he's eating chicken, for the irony.

But oh no, here comes some dumb guy trying to kill the monster and fall in love with that hippie chick. Why? I mean really why? Consider that I have selected for my viewing entertainment a movie called Carnosaur. Carnage + dinosaur? Now if only some drunk night watchman would put a stop to these horrible killings so things can get back to normal at the chicken processing plant...

HELL? Right? It's strange how it only just dawned on me for the first time how inappropriate and counterproductive this is. We've been brainwashed from a young age to accept this as the status quo in monster movies, but wake up and smell the Soylent Green people - IN EVERY MONSTER MOVIE THERE'S A GUY ACTIVELY TRYING TO RUIN IT! I mean here's a movie about a dinosaur killing people, and some asshole is going to stop the dinosaur killing people. It's like I'm trying to watch soccer and someone keeps stealing the ball, or grabbing at the remote the whole time trying to switch it to the Oprah channel or something.

Little prick even has the crass to make a sarcastic one liner when he knocks over the big fake T-Rex with a some kind of forklift thing, which is totally stolen from Crater Lake Monster by the way. It just hit me all of a sudden how I've been ripped off by this scam in monster movies all my life. I was so suddenly disillusioned by the whole sordid business that decades of repressed sadness and rage flooded my eyes and for a minute I hated this movie more than anything in the world. When the corporate army CIA SWAT police guys in HAZMAT suits show up to collect our hero all I had left was to weakly mutter "shoot his ass", knowing full well that wouldn't happen and I'd have to endure the degradation of seeing his smug face kiss the freshly rescued new girlfriend and tell some stupefying joke about not wanting to have Chicken McNuggets for a looong time.

{ahem} Spoiler alert.

THEY SHOOT HIS ASS! A MILLION TIMES! OH MY GOD! AND THEN TORCH HIM WITH A FLAMETHROWER! Wait will it be a dream sequence? Or his evil twin? Bullet and fire proof vest...? NO! He's fried chicken Jim! Holy mother of mercy when does that ever happen? Oh man I need to smoke the first cigarette of my life after that. This is why I watch all these shitty movies guys, just on the off chance that someday, somehow, maybe I'll see that guy shot down like a common dog at the end. Thank you Carnosaur!