Lost souls wake up aboard a ghost ship bound for Heck unless they redeem themselves by following a set of arbitrary rules. No smoking on the voyage o' the damned.

hey cool
Ghost ship?
but YUCK
Science Fiction Channel

"The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire." - 2 Peter 2:22

Damn bible always rubbing it in. I guess it's become a sort of perverse tradition for me to sit through these Sci Fi Channel corporate presentations, knowing full well it can only end one way: with me two hours older and wondering if I said the wrong thing to that girl back in...sorry which one is this? Ghost Island? Ship?

We know it's possible for a movie to be so bad it's good, but these things beg the question, can one be so boring it's good? No, no, that way leads to madness. But there is a certain brain-numbing sensation unique to channel 244, and the canned dialogue is occasionally amusing. "Stop it!" yells the plucky heroine at the monster.

This film, er TV show, is a perfect archetype of Sci-Fi Channel brand dehydrated synthetic movie product. It's dull, predictable, full of cartoon CG, and even features a genuine male underwear model in the starring role. Describing the movie would be like reading you the back of a cereal box, so let's have a pop quiz instead. Which two of the following characters survive the dreaded ghost voyage: dumb blonde skank, sleazy producer, small-time thugs, fake Russian mobster, heroin addict, smart brunette, and handsome racecar mechanic. Answers on a postcard please.

So you die if you break the ship's rules, right? Someone figured it would be interesting to kill folks in ironic ways, like the guy who smokes gets done by a smoke monster. Unfortunately the other rules are don't open doors and don't enter the captain's cabin. How do you kill someone ironically for that? A captain's cabin shaped monster? The writers rose to this challenge by abandoning the premise. It's that sort of attention to detail that makes these productions so perfectly, pristinely null. Did you know that Buddhist temples buy these by the crateload?