A group of delinquent teens head out to Grizzly Park to be stalked by a grizzly bear. And a serial killer. Just the bear wouldn't have been enough.

Ah, juvenile delinquents, the staple diet of space blobs, C.H.U.D.s, slasher killers and rogue bears since the 1950s. The gang's all here again: slutty blonde, spoiled rich kid, practical jokster, recreational drug abuser, and three, count 'em three, token minority stereotypes. This movie is at least somewhat unique in that instead of having one asshole, they're all assholes - not a damn one has a heart o' gold or turns up trumps in the end.

Trouble is we get way too heavy a dose of delinquent teen. It's horror 101 that jackass young people exist in these movies for the sole purpose of making us detest them so we can revel in their graphically portrayed deaths, and in my case the former happens immediately upon the images reaching my occipital lobe so the movie needs to rack 'em up. Instead the characters are endlessly paraded in front of us with only vague hints of impending danger. They talk, they walk, they sass the park ranger, they flirt, they eat, they argue, and finally they encounter...a grizzly? No, a skunk. Ha. More hiking, more talking. Hey bear? Gonna do anything about this?

The movie is halfway over before the first kid has a fatal encounter. Alright thinks I, let the savage maulings finally begin. But no, we settle right back in for more detailed and fascinating character studies. Now we must hear their thrilling origin stories, how each one ended up in juvenile hall. And oh my, is there a forbidden romance budding between the Latina gangsta and the white supremist?

WOULD A DAMN BEAR PLEASE HARM THESE PEOPLE BEFORE I HAVE AN ANEURISM?! COME ON YOGI, GET STUCK IN!

Well I have to say, when our bear finally decides to unpark his fat arse he really makes up for lost time. These teens are still alive with only 12 minutes to go, so I think the bear was going for a speed kill record. Heads, guts, and torsos fly as he takes bloody revenge for us having to sit through this movie. I'd worked up such a powerful hankerin' hate for the characters by this time that it was almost worth it.

And what of the serial killer? Oh he died a long time ago. His contribution to the story is that he drove the delinquents to the park and then stumbled into the bear before he could even think about serial killing any youngsters. It's the same movie if he's not in it and someone else drives the van. The plot's full of that sort of innovative writing, like the big reveal at the end where we find out the dumb girl was only pretending to be stupid - she was the real killer all along! Wait no she wasn't and the bear eats her.