This sad, dumb, creepy kid keeps getting bullied and killed by the local gangstas so he calls up Pumpkinhead I mean Killjoy to be his champion. Absolutely nothing happens and he's defamed by the bigger males once again and ignominiously gunned down. A year later Killjoy the supernatural clown finally shows up and starts goofing with folks, to death. A magic hobo saw it all and sort of explains how some other people might deliver themselves from the clown's peril.

Like the "Harlem Clown" font up there? That's actually what it's called, and surely I've made the most appropriate use of it ever.

Man the movie hates that poor wretched kid. Killed him four times- twice stabbed in the heart by the girl he loves, and always while pitifully blubbering for his life. If you learn nothing else from Killjoy, don't be that kid.

So here's the story of me and Killjoy. I don't normally watch these da hood movies, but one day long ago I'm flipping around the channels and here's this flaming gay clown capering and squealing on the screen and I pretty much had to stop and see what's all that then. And let me just say I fully and shamelessly (okay li'l ashamed) admit I like the clown. The makeup is right out of Killer Klowns from Outer Space and this Angel Vargas really puts it all out there in an absolutely horrible movie employing dialogue probably written on the back of a napkin. If the people who made this had cared even a little bit I think today we'd mention Killjoy in the same breath with other B-list baddies like Wishmaster or the Critters.

Anyway I was oddly fascinated by the clowning for a few minutes but these Charles Band movies tend to be very short, probably because he's a cheapskate and also so they can cram 20 extra minutes of commercials in when they show 'em on TV. The ad breaks were so brutal that I quickly gave up and went back to whatever the hell else I was watching. Probably something about bigfoot and UFOs on the "History" channel. But I remembered Killjoy, and recently while eyeing a boxed set of all the Puppet Master series and debating whether they're worth fifty cents each I noticed that this very video is also crammed in the box. Tipping point!

So I now own Killjoy, and it's awful. I also have Killjoy 2 and 3. I know I mustn't. They need to remain in pristine unviewed condition while I do real life stuff like read Moby Dick or craft birdhouses out of gourds, but in my dark heart I know one of these nights it'll be like having alcohol in the house.

I like to complain when stupid movies even try to have a plot, and to this thing's credit it doesn't bother spinning some cracked legend and backstory about what the Killjoy is. The kid just holds up a doll and "by the power vested in me" tells it to come alive. It doesn't, for a long time. So the movie fails to use the time saved to its advantage; it's just that much shorter. This needs to be a solid hour of ridiculous clown murder but mostly it's just people talking like one of those Mad TV Dolemite spoofs.

I feel like the screenplay may not have included words for the non-actors to say and they were thus forced to make up their own dialogue on the spot, especially that one guy (checked the credits but the names convey nothing to me) who I don't think wanted to be in a movie and delivers every line like he's reading it in front of class. Even the clown's jokes are shiftlessly bland stuff like "I'm an undercover drug dealer dressed as a clown and I've come to deliver you some drugs".

'Cause of course how else would you lure young black males to their doom? I don't know any black people myself (and no I'm not racist - I only know like four white people) but if I did I'd ask them if they're offended by this sort of movie. I reckon I could ask myself the same thing though considering how rural white folks are generally portrayed, which based on my town anyway is fairly accurate.

At times during the viewing I had to wonder if this movie is deliberately trying to be bad so it's funny. I don't approve of that sort of thing; it's like comedians who just say naughty words instead of telling jokes. If you know better, be better. Honest wholesome bad movies should be made by people who think they're really doing good. It's probably authentic though. One thing I've learned is never give people too much credit and life is generally as stupid as it seems.