It's "black belt against black magic!" when seven Chinese brothers (and their one sister) enlist the aid of vampire expert Peter Cushing to help deal with an infestation of Draculas that like to tie up naked chicks and leer at them. If you've been sitting there wishing you could watch a Hammer movie made in Hong Kong with kung fu vampires, your dream has become flesh.

First you need to get a load of the trailer and think about how strange and different the world was back then, and suddenly freak out when you realise you were actually alive when this was made.

Wow. No kidding, this really is exactly one half Hammer horror movie and one half hokey 70's Hong Kong kung fu. The two do not mix seamlessly. One minute Peter Cushing is delivering a dry monologue about vampires, the next it's WHAP! POW! hwwwaaAAAH! YOUR CRANE STYLE IS NO MATCH FOR MY TIGER KUNG FU!

In true kung fu movie fashion, each of the seven brothers (and their one sister) is master of a different weapon or kung fu style, although only one brother (and his one sister) gets any spoken lines. The noisy fight scenes get to be kind of a drag after a while though. I think the movie needed a few more golden vampires, as the regular non-goldens aren't that good at fighting and get beat up pretty easily by the seven brothers (and their one sister). I'm not even sure why they needed Peter Cushing's vampire expertise. I guess they just brought him along to yell "stab them in the heart!" at the appropriate moment, which they promptly do and it makes the vampires melt like marshmallows. Mr Cushing doesn't perform any kung fu in case you're wondering.

If you accidentally put the disc in upside down you'll be surprised to find another version of the movie, entitled "Seven Brothers (aaand their one sister) Meet Dracula". It's a cut-down more Hong Kongy version. There's also an audio version of the story that probably came on an LP back in the day. Yeah back before VHS people listened to movies on records. I know!