The scars of the second world war just won't heal guys. Now the dreaded SS Totenkorps - Nazi zombie supersoldiers - have risen from the briny deep to drown vacationers in the Carribbean. Peter Cushing knows what's going on.

So sort of like Fulci's Zombie but with way less shark fights or things happening.

Did I miss something at the beginning there, 'cause it looked like everyone on the boat suddenly noticed the Earth's sun shining overhead and became terrified of it. I reckon it is pretty scary when you think about it, burning at a bajillion degrees up there threatening to incinerate us all.

Well I'd be lying if I said this is a good movie. I kind of hate to rubbish it for some reason though. It's very conducive to sleep. I don't mean that as an insult; I genuinely like to nap in front of movies. Try it, it's trippy when you get that in-between state when you're neither alseep nor awake, and the movie's kind of half real in your brain, and maybe your dead mom will tell you dinner's ready or something. This show's perfect for that; there's not much excitement for you to miss, and it's not loud or annoying. No action music, just this cool 80s synth track. The whole movie has this dreamy moving-in-water feel to it already so it's like taking a melatonin.

And when you occasionally drift awake you might see John Carradine or Peter Cushing doing stuff. You could obtain Mr Cushing's services for a mere five grand back then. He's playing his usual cold fish, delivering lines like "you are indeed very stupid" with no trace of emotion. I believe the man could make a plant die just by telling it so.

But yeah pretty dullsville. Most of it's just padding: endless shots of people walking through jungle, rowing through swamp, Nazi zombies coming up out of water, looking around, laying back down in water, et cetera. Like I said it all does create a mood, but just not quite thick enough to stand on its own like a true vibe piece. Cool things need to occasionally happen and they just don't.

All the kills are weak drownings for instance, like a zombie rising from the water to rather gently baptise a guy. Bet most of you heathens have never seen a baptism. I have and it's really creepy, but not so much as the money shot in a zombie picture. The best kill here is actually when zombies scare a guy into treading on a sea urchin, then falling down face first onto another sea urchin.

The jack-booted Aryan zombies are fairly menacing, especially in the poster shot where they rise up out of the surf. They've got these cool black goggles that make them die if they come off, so people are always knocking them off. Seems like a design flaw in a zombie supersoldier to me, but who am I to question German correctness. According to Cushing there was a whole SS division of zombies in the war. That's like fifteen thousand zombies. There are six in the movie so I guess they took a few casualties. {cough} the goggles.