Does a clown shit in the woods? If you must know, there's a movie about that. Folks head out to a secluded cabin and pick up this freaky hitchhiker chick on the way who tells 'em a story about a big fat child murdering clown. Pretty soon they start finding dolls with their heads pulled off and stuff like that.

hey cool
The clown, when it bothers to be in the movie
but YUCK
Mostly padding

Well I was all set to do a Stupid Insipid Crap Klown kills Sickeningly Irritating College Kids joke, but hardly any of that actually happens. The clown is in the movie for like five minutes tops. It's a shame too because it's a fairly horrible clown; the obesity and crazy deep retard voice were nice touches there. But man, if you're going to call your movie Serial Insane Clown Killer and you have a fat guy in clown makeup right there and on the payroll, PUT THE DAMN CLOWN IN THE MOVIE. Oh and spend a couple bucks on a clown suit and clown hair; in most of the shots the guy is only wearing the face paint. It's kind of creepy looking that way, but makes me question his commitment to the whole clown psychosis.

You know what I think it is? Clowns just hate being out in the woods. It's not their natural environment. Call me a traditionalist but I think a monster or killer should match the setting of the film. When I see woods I think Jason, Bigfoot, inbred cannibals; not so much circus clown. Clowns hang around kids' birthday parties, amusement parks, abandoned carnivals, that sort of thing. Michael Myers? Haddonfield. Raptors? Raptor Island. Werewolf of
London? London. Leprechaun? Oh I don't know, IRELAND? Just felt like a little unrelated
dig at the ol' Leprechaun there. Anyway you get my drift.

But maybe you think my sensibilities are too common to appreciate cutting edge experimental cinema and pushing of the envlelope. Maybe you and your snobby friends will sit around the coffee bar joking that I probably have a house full of Indian chiefs on velvet and K-Tel albums. Fine, get your kicks. I know full well however that incongruity does have its place it art. Seeing a giant crazy clown out in the middle of nowhere could be pretty wild, but I'm saying this movie ain't exactly Twin Peaks.

With all that I have to admit for some inexplicable reason I don't hate this film as much as I should. The victim in the clown's little forest teepee was pretty gruesome and I like how it leaves a trail of bloody decapitated dolls wherever it goes and capers around its captives before killing them. As previously stated though there's a fairly insignificant amount of all that in the movie. It's mostly just people walking around yelling at each other and looking for that one guy's wife. Yeah wife; there's a married couple in a slasher movie. Weird. Maybe that's part of why I don't hate it - I was able to watch a slasher without the constant buzzing irritant of the teenage asshole guy usually featured in these things. The trashy troublemaking hitchhiker chick seemed sort of authentic too even through the poor acting and dialogue. My less than usual loathing of the characters was somewhat compromised by the fact they're all in "shut up! fuck you!" mode for most of the movie though.

Hell I don't know. Prob'ly don't watch this. I see so many wretched movies that it's inevitable once in a while one will strike some weird chord and not be hated as much as the others, but it's very unlikely to find the same receptors in your nerve centre. I guess I'll stop trying to figure it out and let my brief interlude with S.I.C.K. remain an enigma.