Vampires with dirty faces take advantage of the Earth's axial tilt and raid a town where the Sun doesn't shine for a whole month. It's Barrow Alaska, and no sir, their sheriff doesn't
like it.

The main characters are ex husband a wife going through romantic difficulties, so fuck you movie for that right now. They must teach people in movie writing school that the audience will become disoriented if they can't see anyone having relationship issues on the screen. Seeing that plot device at the start of a movie is like boarding a long flight and having a jehova's witness with an Amway button sit down next to me.

I really could have liked this. Beautiful bleak shots of Alaska and the town on fire at night. And I dig these vampires for a change; they're really mean and don't even listen to The Cure. These are real monsters with a genuine malice for humanity and revel in quality ultraviolence and vandalism. 90 minutes of them tearing this town a new one and the movie and I could have had a nice evening together.

High budget gruesome effects too. You can see a pretty amazing decapitation. Unfortunately this is sheriff on vampire violence, which is bass ackwards as far as I'm concerned. I'm just going to start calling these town sheriff movies. Local hero, plucky townsfolk, comic book one-liners like "welcome to Barrow!" when they run over vampires with a snow plow, much triumph of humanity.

I reckon I'm supposed to cheer and fist pump when supersheriff strides down the street to kick vampire butt, complete with "he's had enough of this shit" musical chest thumping theme, but instead I just feel kind of sad and alienated. It reminds me that I'm not even the intended audience for the majority of these movies I watch. I only enjoy most of them collaterally, or perhaps even parasitically.

I get that these vampires are messy eaters and it's part of their sinister appearance but they must be pretty committed to not wipe that month-old frozen blood off their faces. Yeah I know, I'm just bein' mean now.