A mysterious stranger called Nobody walks into the cop place on a stormy night and starts making cryptic statements and giving everybody knowing looks. Pretty soon officers start dying in ultra violent ways and wondering aloud who the fuck is that guy?

This is not a good movie ("leave me alone!" yells the final victim) but it does tap one of our favourite brain spots: the desire to be an invincible revenant extracting bloody vengeance against a world that harmed us. This is a common theme in horror movies and it's no wonder why. Let's face it, it's a hard world and we live in soft bodies easily damaged by the other apes. I don't know about you but I've had a bellyfull of it and like thinking about having immunity and power over them all.

I hope I'd be a bit less interminably smug about it than Mister Nobody here though.

Yeah hope you like counting the pores on Val Kilmer's face 'cause it's basically someone's Val Kilmer fantasy. He comes off creepy all right, but not the horror movie kind of creepy. More like really bad date creepy.

If the movie cops hadn't been so detestible I might have even had some difficulty cheering the murders. Luckily they were, and some pretty good stuff happens to 'em. One guy has his organs beat out all over the wall, another's guts are shovelled out, with a shovel, and if you like suffocation by plastic bag you'll be in heaven here 'cause there's a scene that goes on so long I started to wonder if the DVD was skipping.

I'd have been sort of okay with this movie, weirdo handing out hard R rated violence to cop stereotypes on a dark and stormy night, but you know how you just can't feel good about something when it leaves on a sour note? It's like the movie tells you it's a scientologist at the end and it's too uncomfortable to be friends. The attempted plot twist was fine in theory, but every part of it was badly fumbled. The movie was always just on the brink of sucking only to save itself at the last second with something horrible happening to one of the officers, so after the last kill piece its pants have nothing holding them up anymore and things just get kind of silly. Between the little girl ghost showing up to save the day and my inexplicable lack of a Val Kilmer man crush I cannot endorse the product.

Not sure why it's called The Traveler. I guess he travels back and forth from the interrogation room to his cell a number of times. Not very far. My Name Is Nobody was already taken though by this weird old spaghetti Western I remember seeing on TV back in the 80s. I should watch that again; seems like it was kind of a trip.

{P.S. I did and it's not that great, though it does contain the longest and weirdest scene of male urination ever filmed. These two strangers are standing face to face, gazing wordlessly at each other and peeing. Well one is peeing, very freely, while the other is having some difficulty. It's shot like a gunfight. The movie seems to be implying that the more the one gentleman is enjoying his ridiculously extended pee, the harder it is for the other fellow to get going. Like one guy is winning or something? Also they're making faces at each other. And it has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. I wish I were an Italian and thought of things
like that.}